Survival Guide of Survival Equipment for Surviving in Non-Survival Game!

God Almighty! I can’t believe how long I have not written again! Uhhh, how long is it, exactly? Hmmm, let’s see… ALMOST ONE MONTH!!! Jeezus! What the Hell did I do all these time?! If my friend not even told me about this, maybe I’ll still delay it one day or two!

…Well, my excuse is, of course, I’ve been pretty lazy busy lately. Yeah, really! I’m pretty fucking lazy busy all the day! You can’t even believe what the hell has happened these days! Whoooo! So much fucking shit! Yay :-) !

To be truth (and when I say “truth”, it means “truth”, not “seems-to-be-truth”), I am very busy and very lazy. We (my master, that sickening bastard Angels, and me) are trying to apply a new “alternative” lifestyle Haska (she is my homestay’s mom, if you don’t know) has just told me last week, and it works veeeeeeery perfectly until now

…No, no, no! She didn’t teach me how to be a prostitute or faggot or anything like that! Keep away that kind of thinking, you fuckingly bastard! She just told me about these Australian’s habit! Those guys—regardless how old and how seductive they are—ALWAYS study in Library, and she was just curious why I didn’t some shits like that too! Well, I guess some tips would come in handy, so then I tried it, spending most of my fucking time in Library, with some happy effects….

• Study Result: NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE AT ALL!!!
• Time Spent at Home: INSANELY DECREASED!!!
• Finished Homework: A VERY BIT INCREASED!!!
• Time to Crap: I DON’T KNOW WHY I PUT THIS ONE TOO!!!
• The Capital of Iceland: I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!

…Okay. So, in short, we then decided to always study outside, since being at home all day is also TERRIBLE, with people walk around on the corridor and all. Since then, we always go to school EVERYDAY, to be able to study at e-lab for free internet, and library for some fucking quietness. God, it’s nice no one knows me there…. I’m sighing contentedly right now….

But, as the result of this… this revolutionary idea, we then have to bring a lot of things in my master’s poor little bag, so we can survive there. Well, what choice do we have?! We can’t do anything fun there, right?

So, dear fucking readers who might be fucking right now even though it’s impossible remembering you are actually reading this insanely long phrase that doesn’t have any important idea in it and is only put to make you people confused and stop reading it and maybe get your fucking nose off of this diary of mine, in this post, we will take an amazingly wonderfully bullshit journey into my master’s bag—about what kind of craps we bring all the time to survive! And remember, all of these are real, and will be protected by law, since this shit is mine, so you must not take this as example and bring exactly same thingies with you all day. Please, dear reader who must not be fucking right now but I still think you are idiot cuz still reading this fucking paragraph even though you have read the previous insanely jerk phrase only to read the second part of that crappy phrase of doomed doom, do NOT imitate everything I bring, since they are extremely heavy and only super-fucking idiot like my master that is allowed to do such thing. Now, enjoy!!!

.

BAG 1: Main Survival Thingies

Okay, let’s take a look at our big bag first! This is where we put all of our life sources, everything we need to stay alive in this bewilderment of chaos. This bag has FOUR main storages, or pockets, or whatever they should be called, in where we can put everything handy! These are those fucking four….

.

STORAGE 1: Central Commando

Why I call it “Central Commando” is still unknown, since I just get that name right at the time I’m about to write that fucking row. Still, I’m not here to explain that, aren’t I? Then why the fuck must I tell you about this?!

…Ahem. Anyway, this Central Commando contains of things I need to use to survive at school AND—the most important one—to survive living in this dirtily morbid world. It includes:

1. Pencil Case: Oh, this is my best friend I’ll always need to stay alive! I can’t even imagine how cruel and brutal and nasty my life will be without it! *Sniff, sniff* As usual, it contains pen, pencils (mechanical and normally fucking shitty wooden ones), ruler, erasers (dirtily black and not-too-bad-ly grey ones), the insides-of-the-mechanical-pencil-of-which-I-just-don’t-know-what-they-both-are-called-in-English-and-am-too-lazy-to-go-to-the-Bookstore-two-floors-below-only-to-check-its-fucking-name, a glue stick and double-tip (very useful in doing Information Design homework!), correction pen, the insides of red pen (I always bring this one everywhere :-) ), markers (still just plans, cuz I haven’t brought it until now, but intend to), and—of course—my master’s amazingly Goddamn calculator!!!
2. Umbrella: Since it’s almost Winter, it might be not a bad idea to always bring this. At least, that is what I think before. I later realized that decision of mine reeeeeeeeally is a good one :-) ! (I’ll put about it in the next post, since my main focus here is my master’s war equipment.)
3. Dictionaries: Included the electronic one and the special Thesaurus dictionary! Of course, I bought that fucking Thesaurus before I realized that it has been provided by Microsoft Word. Still, it comes in handy sometimes, for it’s even much more complete than the one in Microsoft Word :-) .
   • NOTE: I have been rarely used those dictionaries, though, since I now write the stories mostly only following my feeling. Still, it really is useful if I find fucking new words, or old-but-forgotten ones.
4. My Very Own Super Book of Fucking Misery: Containing ALL of my super-sick ideas :-) ! I never really use it, indeed, but it’s really helpful to draw or write something in that book if I’m lost in my thought again.
5. School Books: Yep, school books. Of course I have to bring school books! They include the day’s subject books, plus papers I get for that subject, and the next day’s subject books! They sure are heavy! I can’t even understand why the fuck my master always brings them all! (Which, actually, to finish the fucking pile of homework of that subject, if he has motivation to do so. Unfortunately, it rarely happens, so he only tortures himself :-( .)
6. Holy Books of Unholiness: Yeah, these are the REAL books I need to survive! Since now we have to spend most of our time outside, of course we need books to be read in the meantime, when having lunch, when too lazy to do homework, when out of idea to make another malice! Consisting of JTHM, Squee, I Feel Sick, and Edgar & Ellen, though can be replaced with any other books I wanna read! Maximum of five or six books, only in case of overwhelming boredom! Yay and Wheeeee!
   • NOTE: Lately, what we read again is Edgar & Ellen, though I know it won’t stay any longer and the massive boredom will attack us again. To be truth, sometimes, if we wanna eat something besides of bread and other crap, we often buy it at the weekends—only in exchange of boring ordinary foods. But now I’m thinking of giving up nice, happy weekend lunch only to buy books. If only my master is not as scrawny as this, we might have done so :-( ….
7. Blue Folder: I don’t know either why we always bring it, since it contains not much important thingies (except of some important papers for some subjects, that is), but it always accompanies me ANYWHERE in my bag when we were at Indonesia, so… well, it’s not heavy at all, anyway…. Maybe I’ll put my empty white papers here, so I can draw doodles anytime I want.

.

STORAGE 2: Belly Servant

Again, I don’t know what kind of fucking name “Belly Servant” is. Still, I choose it, simply cuz this storage is filled with my very own foods to swallow and all other shits to consume.

Since now we have to spend most of time outside (Gee, I’m tired of typing this sentence again and again!), we have to eat at the park next to our school. That park actually sucks, especially that fuckingly dry lake, but it sure is a nice place to just stop and eat lunch and snacks. And when I say “snacks”, I mean “uncooked noodles”, since it’s pretty cheap (I’ve found the one that’s not even $30!) and tasty.

Back to Indonesia, when we were bored of working and doing homework, we could just read old books we have there. But, cuz now we only have several books, we have to read the same books again and again, and that is boring. So, now, we have to eat snacks or something to get rid of that fucking boredom, even though it only works a bit. Thus, three pieces of bread my master always eats are not satisfying at all. Our tummies kept crying for food and all bad shits, so the only exit is this—eating all of these craps one by one. Ohhhh, sick!

Ready? Now, let’s go to the second crappy product of my bag!

1. Sacred Place of Bread: This is where we put our three pieces of bread. It’s all dirty now, since we’re not allowed to wash our own dishes, and only can clean it, bit by bit, in the bathroom without proper dishes soap, or whatever it’s called. Goddamn, I must buy a new food again to get this kind of new lunchbox….
2. Pumpkin’s Apple: Nope, this is not Adam’s apple—this is my apple! Actually, we buy it only cuz we have lack of fruits and veggies since coming here, so…. Well, it’s also cheap, anyway. About 8 or 9 apples are less than $2, and will stay for almost 2 weeks. Not bad, eh :-) ?
3. Instant “Uncooked” Noodles: Weeeeeell, this is my new noodles. We have just bought this brand yesterday, when we accidently found it in Woolworths Supermarket by less than $1.5 for 5 pieces. Much cheaper than the previous one we bought, actually :-) .

.

STORAGE 3: Another Dimension…

Oh, okay, this is the most unimportant one in my bag: TISSUE PAPPER! I bring it, of course, just in case my master was caught by ESU (Emergency Sneezing Unit), remembering it’s almost winter, and the temperature starts decreasing. Still, until now, he’s never caught by this enormous shit, since we always walk to school. It makes him a bit healthier, maybe, or it’s just not cold enough to cause flu.

.

STORAGE 4: Bonus Thingies

Well, these are never really used, but I always bring them, anyway….

1. Scissors: Scissors! I need this thing very much when I get Information Design homework, so I often bring it! We don’t have a proper un-scratch-able box like that to put this fucking scissors, so we use that brochure we got for free days before (just see the book behind that fucking scissors) to cover it. We then put it in this Storage 4, and cuz it fits very much that it rarely has an empty space left to move or “touch” the bag, they can’t tear down it! Awesome, huh?
2. Rosary: Same here, I don’t know why I bring this one. But I simply don’t know where to put it outside of my bag, so… why not?
3. Perth’s INCOMPLETE Map: Like its name, of course, it does not complete! Since we’ve been used here, we never really use it anymore. Still, it might come in handy if we are lost or something, so I decided to bring it.

.

.

BAG 2: Electric Hideout

Okay, now we move to the next bag at last! Wheeeee :-) !

Weeeeeell, this second bag is my laptop bag, which means it contains… well, laptop. You idiot! Must I tell it to you, you fucking crappy bladder of intestine’s shit?! (NOTE: Even I, the most hideous weenie eater the world has ever seen—a normal weenie, not that *****, you pervert!—don’t know what I mean with that curse.)

Still, remembering that this is also part of my survival things, I also bring other electronic devices we thought will come in handy. So, dear fucking readers, are you ready? Let’s take a look at these fucking insides of my nightmarish laptop bag!

1. This is My Laptop Bag: Please! Don’t tell me you don’t have any idea what it is and ask me to explain it all over again!
2. Laptop: This one too! Oh, come on! It’s obvious, isn’t it?! Of course I’m always bring it! If I don’t bring my laptop but bring my laptop bag… Goddamn, you’re stupid if think so!
3. Laptop Charger: Oh, pleeeease! I must bring it too! What if my laptop is out of energy, you fucking dummy?! Of course I’ll bring this too!
4. Cell Phone Charger: …Okay, you may protest about this one. I never charge my cell phone outside of my house, so I also don’t know the reason I bring this…. Maybe just cuz I don’t know where to put it—just like the rosary.
5. Wireless Modem: Ohhh, this is my new best friend! Okay, I know it’s a bit weird to bring it to school, since it’s provided with free internet, but that fucking “free” internet can’t really download Facebook pages, so…. Oh, well. It comes in handy sometimes, after all, like when I suddenly have to post a thing at Facebook. Rarely happens, indeed, but I don’t wanna take risk.
6. USB Connector: The connector of cell phone and laptop. Oh, c’mon! Of course I need it, since now I often take picture using my cell phone!
7. Indonesia-Style Port: …Okay, I don’t know what this is called, so… well, maybe it’s called by this. What I mean is the connector to the electric socket, of course, but for Indonesia’s electric socket. I never use it now, since Australia’s is different, but I always keep it in case I’m going back to Indonesia someday later. The reason why I put it inside my laptop bag, unfortunately, is still mysterious.
8. Mouse: Don’t tell me you don’t understand why I bring it.

.

.

OUT OF THE BAG

Okay, now the things I don’t bring in my bag, but are also necessary for survival! These things, when we’re at home, are always put in the Bag 1’s Storage 4, when the scissors themselves are taken out and put next to bag so there’s enough space for it (with exception that flash disk, which I always put in the table). Okay, now let’s move to this very last thing! Goddamn, I’ve been tired of making this post!

1. Cell phone: Well, of course I can’t put the picture here, since I took that fucking picture using this phone. Still, I always bring it everywhere, though always in silent mode. Its sound is irritating :-( ….
2. Wallet: Containing the most important things in my survival! What those things might be? Huh? Huh?! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!! Of course they are money and debit card!!!
3. Flash Disk: My very new PIBT’s flash disk—given for free at the orientation day. My old one is gone again. Did I accidently leave it at Indonesia? But I have feeling I have brought it…. Maybe I left it with all other still-unused things in my luggage….
4. Coin Container: Well, I don’t know what the hell its name is again, but—for simple—it’s where we put all of our coins. My master’s Dad told him before departure that coins can really ruin the wallet if too much, so he provided us with the second wallet—the one that’s especially for coins. Well, I don’t know whether it’s true or not, but we won’t take risk to destroy our wallet….
5. House Keys: Oh, c’mon! It’s obvious, isn’t it? It’s House Keys! House Keys!

.

.

.

…Huff! I can’t believe how long I have spent only to make this crap! Well, maybe I’ll just post it tomorrow, since I also haven’t put the pictures in it. Thus, I also have other thing I wanna tell you before I forget, so….

Oh, anyway… whew! You understand how heavy all those items are? God, every time we have reached home, my master always has a backache now, thanks to our very own survival items! He becomes so tired, that even thinking of making these posts are very impossible. Thus, for your information, to be able to complete this new “Studying in the Library” scheme (which, actually, is not only about the studying only, but also about the working too), my master always sleeps faster, so he can wake up faster too. Dunno why, we can’t have enough sleep only by less then 4 hours, like what we always have at Indonesia. Geez, this makes our time becomes less and less and less….

Maybe we will try to throw out some of those unimportant items. I don’t know. Still, I don’t think there will be much effect, since the heaviest ones are the important ones. God, it really is painful to even just take a step! Maybe, when my master died someday later, his grave will be craved:

Rest in Peace

ALDY SAPOETRA HENDRADJAJA

The Mighty Bringer of Crap and Shit in His Bag

“May God Forgive His Fucking Stupidity”

.

I will kill the grave maker if it does happen….

.

NOTE: Ugh…. By now, my master’s friends might have done all the National Exam. Now they will be able to lounge around while he has to bring this shit in his bag. Aww, whatever. Geez! I wonder when we’ll be able to contact them again!

.

ANOTHER NOTE: Wow, it has been a long time since Angels doesn’t show up, huh? Well, no need to worry! With my greatest kindness, I’ll let her popped up in the next post! Hooray for the bitchiest dead prostitute!

.

THE MOST IMPORTAT NOTE HERE: Lately, I’m criticized of using too much all-caps that the whole story itself hard to read. Well, just as you can see in this post, now I’m trying to use the bold and italic instead, to see if it has the same effect or not. The answer is not, though, cuz the all-caps can give the sensation of “hysterical”. Still, maybe I’ll try to use this one, if it’s much easier to see. So? How is it :-) ?

.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: Uhhh, that’s weird. Some people say that this blog of mine is intresting, but… WHICH PART IS INTRESTING?! I mean, I put a lot of lot of lot of bullshit and fucking crappy facts here, and even often put confusing phrase that’s aimed so that people confused and depressed and ended up shoot their groins, and after all those, they say it’s fun?! I don’t understand their thinking….

.

AGAIN, IT’S NOTE…: My God, I’ve been too tired of making this post! I’ll take a rest first, eating my apple, before continuing to the next post. God, I wonder why I write this note….